The Gospel According to Stuart
by Pickilow
Summary: One mouse's quest for the ultimate boyfriend. Betrayal, anger, hatred, comedy, fun, and much more. This is the TRUE story of Stuart Little that E.B. White doesn't want you to know.


**Chapter 1:** Stuart's Or(i)g(in)y

Ever since I saw my father's long, hard shaft in the showers that day, I knew my life would never be the same. What I didn't expect though was for him to invite me into the shower with him. The taste of semen combined with the texture of his hairy and sweaty penis caused me to cum harder than I have in my entire life.

After being sent to jail for pirating Action 52 of all games, he died after being raped by a dog in the prison showers. I was never interested in women, and even when my own mother volenteered to let me give her anal, I refused, thinking of the hot men I could see in Men's Health magazine. My mother was upset, so she went lesbo, but died of AIDS after licking out an old woman named Jo's pussy.

I volenteered for a job at the Eittely Mall, but I got sacked , along with my boyfriend Ho-Ho-Bo, for him doing the unthinkable to a child. Well, pretty thinkable to me, cause I roll that way, but you know. He raped a child. Who was chinese. And had cancer. But come on ! The child's name was Eric Shin!

After 5 years of prostitution at an orphanage, a family called the Littles came and took me in. After seeing the dad's cock, I found out where the surname came from.

After being raped by the cat, who had a fetish for seeing me drown in a washing machine, and his friend Smoky, George, or Georgy Orgy as I like to call him, gave me his car. To piss him off, I used to go up to his male classmates and teachers and play out loud, "HITCH A RIDE IN MY TRUCK, BITCHES GONNA FUCK!" full blast.

I will also never forget the boat race, I nearly made that shit go Titanic on Georgy Orgy's ass!

Ever notice how the Twin Towers are in the first Stuart Little movie but not the second? I blew them up and framed some paki who lived down the street for it.

I will never forget being gang raped by cats at central park, the Littles were looking all over for me, and I was like, "YEAH YEAH, HARDER! HARDER! HUMP HUMP, SLIDE SLIDE" while they were all like "Boo hoo, Stuart's my family!" I also remember the night Georgy Orgy's uncle came over and gave me a bowling ball. GeorgyOrgy didn't seem to like it but I'm sure his uncle knew deep down inside that he loved big blue balls. Another uncle came over an gave me and Georgy Orgy one of his grandfather's brown balls. He said that Mr Little and himself had hours of fun with balls.

**Chapter 2:** Stuart Little 2 and beyond.

Mrs Little was a total bitch. Look at her, she's a fucking bitch, at the start of this movie, you saw she was upset by me touching big soccer balls. I was more interested in the actual children's balls.

I remember now that Georgy Orgy had a nigger cock boyfriend, Will(y), Who he used to spend hours of time playing on his PS2... Except the only reason they got it is because the controllers vibrate, and they used them with that function in mind. Hours of foreplay they had. One time during one of their um.. Sessions.. I stole GeorgyOrgy's plane, and attempted to 9/11 with it, however there were too many cum stains on the joystck, so I ended up crashing into some old nuns, and other people before landing in a bin.

Then 'came' that stupid bird. Literally. I was driving home, and she fell, and as she fell, she came on me. After wiping the pussy juice off me she apologised and so I pretended to like her for the movie. I just had to imagine a large suculent cock on her. There was this falcon bastard too who tried raping the bird, but who cares, My memory of Stuart Little 2 isn't that great.

Of course, then the bitch bird left, stealing Mrs little's ring which I was using as a fleshlight, so I followed her to the empire state building. I was gonna do a 9/11 on it but decided against it on the grounds of HOLY SHIT THE FALCON WAS memory decieves me. I remember a having sex with Snowball in a wet dream, and then.. I WOKE UP ON A MOTHERFUCKING GARBAGE BOAT.

I.. never felt... so... horrible.. I mean.. I thought to myself.. Am I garbage? I went into a deep depression on that boat, and believe me there were lots of broken didlos, rusty knives, and other shit I could use to cut myself. Which I did a lot. The broken dildos were stained with period blood which I used to survive the 8 days I was stranded on this pile of shit (speaking of shit, I ate that too). However, then I found my plane, and I REMEMBERED MY LEGACY. 9/11 2, take 2.. BITCH! I took a comb that some guy had probably used on his pubic hair, and plopped it on where the propeller was, I started the engine, which was all like RUNNIGGERNIGGERRUNNIGGER.. AND BLAST OFF! The depression dropped like the used condoms that fell out of the plane during take off!

I enjoyed the plane's vibrations so much. I came all over it! And then... BOOM SHAKALAKA! Right in the falcon's balls, which the plane's propeller tore to shreds. A pink mixture of blood and cum flew over me, and I knew who I was! I was Stuart the fucking Mouse! However, I had no food or shelter so I decided to stay at the Littles who are very forgiving considering I castrated a falcon with GeorgyOrgy's plane!

**Chapter 3:** Things get harder. As well as my dick.

Stuart little 3. uggghhhhh... This is where I started to go RETARDED from the Littles constant family moral bullshit. Then I heard they were taking me and GeorgyOrgy to camp. Finally those homophobic cunts were allowing me to be a scout! Think of all the dick I would get! Unfortunately, they didn't mean gay as in homosexual, they meant it as "Happy". Come on. Here is exactly what they said: "Hey Stuart. We all know you want to be gay, so We're sending you and George to CAMP!". "YES! Time for dick! How many dildos should I bring?", I replied.  
"No, not THAT type of gay, we meant it like in the old cartoons, as in HAPPY." They said.

Fuck. Spending summer at a camp fire with the Littles. How much worse can it get. I mean have you seen the size of Mr Little's dick? It's LITERALLY THIS SIZE: 8=D

The third movie is honestly so bad, I got so depressed about it, I had to see a psychiatrist to help me stop killing myself. Yes, even worse than the Period Boat. I repressed the memories so even if I try I can't remember anything right up until a few months ago.

I was in a train. With lots of naked men, Jacking off on me. I'm positive it happened. They were about 50 years old each, one had a grey beard, and all their cocks had long grey hairs sticking out with huge veins sticking through the skin every second as the hands drew back and forth, stoking the cocks. I remember their moans. "UAAAGGGHHH". All the semen I was covered with. Oh yeah..

**Chapter 4:** I lay here writing..

I lay here writing this in a hospital bed. I have been diagnosed with full blown aids.. *cough* With only a few hours left to live. *cough* I never had a child, but I came in a bottle when I was *cough* still at the Little's *cough* *hack*. House.

Do-hu*Cough*ctors. Puh-lease. When *cough* read this. Take.. note. I want someone *hack* to have my babies... And to let my... legacy... *cough* Live... on...

Name my son... *cough*Tuart *cough*ittle.. *hack.

**===Epilogue===**

Stuart closed his eyes for the last time. He ascended to heaven in peace for all the troubles he had been through. God forgives all. Remember. You owe your series to Stuart...

End?

**Chapter 5: Kicked from heaven.**

When I saw Jesus' balls, OH GOD DID I CUM! They were the holy grail of genitals... Literally. The saggy texture, the the precise spacing between each curve, fold, and hair, created a sensation which I can only describe as... Orgasmic. My lust for Jesus, however, was my (and the zip in my pant's) undoing. God caught me masturbating to Jesus one day when he was performing sexual rituals.  
"THOU SHALT NOT STROKE THY PENIS IN MY SON'S PRESENCE!", God said. He wanted it. Badly. He had been suppressed his entire life by people writing holy texts, and was ashamed to admit to his homosexuality in public. So I looked into his perfect, blue anime eyes, and said...  
"God... You are... Beautiful."  
God could see that I was hitting on him, and began to burst into tears. I held him. Stroking his back, I knew I had the lord in my hands. Unfortunately, that's not where I wanted him. That would be on my cock. I began to stroke his stomach. His crying began to let up. Then he made a seductive "OHHH". I knew at this point that I had succeeded. As I started to stroke lower, I could feel my penis starting to get erect. He could too. Being God and all. Then came the moment in which my hand came into contact with the Dick of God. An angelic choir began to sing. I took off his robe, and so he got down on his knees. But I felt a cock against the back of my head.  
"The body of Christ"... It was JESUS!  
Oh my God. God and Jesus. A threesome of the ages was about to occur. I slid my cock into Go's tight asshole. Then, Jesus went behind me, and he had a tough time getting his big cock into my hairy, shit covered asscrack, but he managed, with minimal skin tears and bleeding. I had to do all the work. When I thrusted forward, I gave immense pleasure to god, as I thrusted back, Jesus' cock went into my asshole with little effort. It was like a train. The stench of shit, blood, sweat and cum filled the air. I never felt so good. Unfortunately, it had to end. But God, did it end well. Jesus' cock had finally given into the intense pleasure. He came tons, ind it went into my ass, mixed with my cum, and came out my dick, into God, who had a similar reaction, only some came out of his mouth. After I withdrew from God, and Jesus withdrew from me, there was a huge stain of semen in the clouds. A maid came along.  
"JESUS CHRIST! That stain will take ages to clean! Next time, fuck on some tiles, will you!?"  
God became pissed. He pointed his finger at the maid, and shot a bolt of lightning at her, turning her into a pile of ash on the floor.  
"Now THAT will leave a stain!", God said, and we all began to laugh. That night, The twelve apostles came into my room as I slept, and woke me up. It was time for the ultimate orgy among men. During our session, God came in piss drunk, and saw what was happening. "STUART!", He shouted!  
"ART THOU CHEATING ON ME!?"  
"No, God!", I replied.  
"BULLSHIT!" He screamed.  
God stamped on the floor, causing an earthquake in the clouds. Although the vibrations helped turn me on, this shit was serious. A hole in the clouds opened up.  
"AS PUNISHMENT FOR THY CHEATING ON ME, THOU ART HEREBY BANISHED FROM HEAVEN!", God proclaimed. He then kicked me down to earth, back into the Little's house.. FUCK!

THE END...

OR is it!?

**Chapter 6:** The epic thunder storm.

The next day, I looked into the sky. It was beginning to get really stormy. The perfect day for an epic fight, which is exactly what was happening up there now. When Jesus heard that I had been kicked out of heaven, he was furious. "FUCK YOU, DAD!" He screamed. "Now, my son it w-", God replied, before he was interupted by a passionate speech from Jesus:  
"I'M NOT YOUR SON! I HAVE NO FATHER! A REAL FATHER WOULD LOVE HIS BOYFRIEND NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE CHEATED!"  
"Jesus, I-", God said.  
"SHUT UP! I'M GOING TO SEE MY BOYIFRIEND!"..  
"NO!" God exclaimed. "I CAN'T HAVE IT!"  
Jesus drew a large, long sword. (But not his dick). God responded with the same action. His sword, however wasn't as long, but was difinately heavy. Then they began to fight. The angels came out for an epic choir.  
"EXITATE VOS E SOMNO, LIBERI MEI, CUNAE SONT NON!", They sung.  
Swords hit swords, making clang sounds. God shot a fireball at Jesus, who used a barrier to deflect it, and then drew an ice beam of death from his ass, and stabbed God through the heart.  
"FUCK!", God screamed. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!".  
"Don't call my mom a bitch!", Jesus replied.

God died. And then the universe completely ended.

THE END!


End file.
